*NOTE: I suck at writing. I just write what comes to my head. So sorry for any grammatical errors and horrible writing that I have*

Ever since I was younger I always struggled with one thing, Balance. There is always so much that I wanted to do and accomplish, but there was never enough time in a day to do it all. When I started making YouTube videos, even when I had no subscribers, I learned more about the harsh reality of trying to accomplish one thing while having many other obstacles in the way. To this day, despite the small accomplishments that I have made as HERMSAUR and with school, I still can’t find that balance. I’m still chasing the hours of the clock, while my body and my mind keep bogging me down with limitations. I am someone who is highly addicted to my work, yet I struggle to make the time for anything.

What am I exactly? I am a full-time YouTuber/Streamer, a part-time worker at a gym, and a full-time student (graduating this spring!). I also consider myself quite the gym rat, I try my best to go to the gym every day if time permits me. But due to my busy schedule and slowly deteriorating body, I can either go late nights, rather than stream or I don’t get a chance to go at all. On top of that, my sleep schedule is really messed up, I take naps in the middle of the day, but because of my body is yearning for more rest, I tend to nap longer than I would hope, which culminates to me chasing time and running behind schedule. One simple solution is a day to just catch up on rest, and not do any work, but for some reason, my mind is always running on ideas and concepts that I want to try and do. Being a YouTuber, I love making content and seeing something that I imagined in my mind come to life.

Lately, it has been a bit easier for me because honestly, the content that I have been making has been extremely easy. I can admit that much. I would react to an anime, then review, and then edit. As much as less brain power that takes, it still takes up a bunch of time from my schedule. Each video can take from 2-6 hours. Vlogs, of course, consist of the whole weekend, and editing takes more than 8 hours. On top of that streaming is usually a minimum of 2 hours. So average I’m already taking up 6 hours of my day making content every day. If I include my going to the gym, I’m usually there for 2 hours. My day job is about 3 hours in the morning and school is 3 hours at night. That’s 14 hours that my day tends to be productive. What do I do with the other 10 hours? I would say about 4-6 hours go to sleeping/napping, then the rest is eating and just spending time with people. My day seems pretty packed mostly. I know if I cut corners for some things, I can possibly open up more time for myself but that ends up me feeling like I haven’t accomplished enough. What is worse about that feeling is that I get that already with the things that I do. I want to sleep more, make more content, spend time with my loved ones, workout more.. but in reality, I need money, but my way of making money is different and causes me to lose sleep from time to time. I imagine that if I wasn’t a content creator, and I just had a regular 9-5 job with my degree, I would have so much more time on my hands, but being regular isn’t me. I can’t see myself doing that. It’s weird at the same time I HATE THIS IMBALANCE, I LOVE THE HUSTLE! I complain, yet i continue to do this because IM HUNGRY! IM HUNGRY TO SUCCEED! IM HUNGRY TO PROVE EVERYONE WRONG! IM HUNGRY TO MAKE PEOPLE PROUD! but most importantly, I’m hungry to be able to take care of everyone around me with the success I might possibly bring.

Regardless of me chasing time, I am actually extremely lucky that I do make money doing what I LOVE TO DO! I watch anime and play video games, that is legit my work. And that is made possible because of the people who enjoy what I do and the people who support me either just by watching, donations, patreon, memberships, subscriptions etc. It still blows my mind every day to think that I started making videos just for the fun of it, and now it gives me a paycheck. I am nothing without the support the husbandos and waifus give me. It is crazy.. I am undeserving of this. That’s why sometimes I wish I had more time to create things, to give back more. In due time, once I am able to quit my day job, once I am finished with school, I can possibly just focus on HERMSAUR. I foresee this as something I want to do for the rest of my life. Although It seems unfeasible, especially with the countless people who tend to stop doing it, I have this strange feeling in my heart that this is something that I am meant to do.

-Herm